From a Cluttered Desk

I am Tammy Cardwell, she of the cluttered desk. (Hey, you think I'm kidding?!) I'm having a blast here in Blogland and invite to you to peruse my ramblings. Like a buffet, they offer variety - essentially whatever makes it to the top of the piles that sometimes clutter my brain. We'll eventually cover it all - homeschooling, God, our church, the Eclectic Homeschool Online, books I'm writing and publishing, conferences I speak at, the joys of grandmotherhood, and hopefully chocolate. Of course, this is only what's near the top now. Who knows what's in those piles?

After reading Psalm 23 countless times over the decades, I have suddenly seen it in a new light. I have realized that, as well as everything else it teaches, it is a story of spiritual growth and maturity.

v. 1 The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
This is us when we are born again, accepting Him as our Shepherd—our Lord—and, from that moment on, our faithful source of supply.

v. 2 He maketh me lie down in green pastures.”
Here we enter into His peace, which is ours from now on. Here we learn to rest, to appreciate what we see around us, to eat what is healthy and will make us grow spiritually. We don’t really even have to work for the food; it’s right there.

v. 3 He leadeth me beside the still waters.
Now we’ve begun to move, to start the true growing process. This requires us to get up and start walking, but we are still sheltered in many ways, only allowed to see still water, not rushing waters that would make us feel afraid. Too, where there are still waters there is the grass we feed on—the milk of the Word—and growth remains an easy, gentle process. We feed on the Word of God and go where He leads us.

Next week, part two

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

“…but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.” (Matthew 5:22)

These are strong words! What, exactly, does Jesus mean by them? It’s a question I’ve asked several times through the years, especially given the way modern man uses the word “fool.” I determined years ago that it is safest not to use this word in reference to anyone at all, though this verse specifically speaks to how we refer to our “brothers.” Now I’ve made a connection that has really made me sit up and take notice. Let’s go to Proverbs.

According to Proverbs 9:10, “The fear of the LORD [is] the beginning of wisdom.” The fool, of course, has no wisdom and, if you step backwards from that fact, it becomes clear that the fool Proverbs speaks of so often is one who doesn’t fear the Lord. In other words, the fool is a sinner. Having realized this, the admonition comes to mean that we should call no one, at least none of our brothers, a sinner.

We know from Proverbs 18:21 that death and life are in the power of the tongue. When we speak, whether we realize it or not, we create truths. When we say, “So and So has cancer,” we create a truth they have to deal with as they battle for their lives. Knowing this, I try hard to phrase things differently: i.e., “So and So is battling cancer.” It shares the prayer need without, in essence, speaking death over them.

How much more do we not want to speak eternal death over people?! Maybe this connection (thou fool = thou sinner) has been clear to everyone else, but it is revelation to me. Someone who is in sin is already in trouble. For me to then call him a sinner would be like dumping ten gallons of water on the head of a drowning man. He has enough trouble already and, frankly, what I do could be the last straw—the one thing that finally kills him. Doesn’t that put his blood on my hands? And to be responsible for someone going to hell? No, that’s a place I don’t want ANYONE to go. I know people do every day, but the thought of sentencing someone to hell for eternity… No.

So now I see this passage as meaning something like, “whoever declares that another man is a sinner is in danger of hellfire himself.”

Not me, Lord. Not me!

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

It’s been another year–an extremely busy, sometimes painful, very satisfying, often frustrating, genuinely challenging, very rewarding year. It has also been, to the best of my knowledge, the fastest year in history. I know it’s not because I’m getting older (no matter what people say). It could be because I’ve been consistently busier than ever in my life. It could be because things are winding down and, as a result, time is speeding up. Regardless, it was only yesterday that it was December 31, 2010.

I have a feeling that tomorrow, if there is a tomorrow, it will be December 31, 2012 and I’ll be sitting right here, shaking my head again.

It has been a good year. For all its challenges, I like my current job more than any other I’ve ever had. It is supremely rewarding, in that what I do has eternal consequences and I actually see people’s lives changed. I also love my family. My husband is here, my kids are awesome young people, and my two grandkids hung the moon. Watching toddler Cadence chastise her brother (”BUBBA!”) when he picks on her… absolutely adorable. My youngest sister is back in my life and I’m loving having her here. Daddy has moved in with my middle sister and I now see him more than I have in many years. Christmas was GREAT.

And that’s all even taking into consideration that Mother moved on to Heaven this year. I will ever appreciate the friend who pointed out that I haven’t “lost” her so much as she’s moved to an address that’s too far away for me to travel to right now. It won’t be long, though, and I’ll be drinking her sweet tea and eating the special fudge sheet cake she always made for my birthday while we talk about all the awesome things she’s been doing in heaven.

Yeah, even taking all the hurt and pain into consideration, it has been a good year. And I’m believing that, no matter what, 2012 will be too.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Newsflash: If you are so anxious for advancement in your ministry that it interferes with your ability to minister where you are now, God won’t advance you.

About 20 years ago, I heard one lady tell another that she knew they weren’t destined to stay “just” in that particular ministry forever, that it was just a stepping stone to get them to a more important position.

I have never forgotten either the words or my reaction to them. Even then, I knew that God isn’t into stepping stones. God is into us walking worthy of our calling, wherever that calling may be. He puts us in positions of ministry and then watches how we handle ourselves.

I’ve seen this illustrated over and over in my 30+ years of ministry involvement, especially in the music ministry. Someone is so hung up on getting promoted to singing on the main stage that they don’t give their all to ministering in the choir loft, never realizing that they aren’t being promoted to the stage BECAUSE they’re so hung up on getting there. Someone else plays a “secondary” position on their instrument in band and gets angry because they aren’t promoted to “first,” never understanding that they can be the most skilled musician ever and still be held back by their own heart.

“Walk worthy of the calling with which you were called.” Wherever God has put you, even if it’s cleaning toilets, put your whole heart into it and do your very best for Him in that position. Give Him your finest today, and you will receive His finest tomorrow.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

We all have our favorite expressions, quotes, sayings, Bible verses… I realized today, though, that there are two verses in my Bible that are highlighted more than any other. They are Proverbs 3:5-6. In the Amplified they read….

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

This is, without a doubt, the most important verse I ever learned after John 3:16. It is what completely changed my faith walk into a faith walk.

I’ve always been one who has to understand, has to know why. In learning a new thing, for instance, I do much better when you explain why I should take a certain step or why things must be done is a specific order. There are two reasons for this.
1. It helps my analytical brain make sense of the process, which improves my ability to remember steps.
2. When I understand why a thing is done a certain way I can sometimes find a better way.

But God doesn’t operate like that. Faith doesn’t operate like that–it sure doesn’t allow me to find a better way than God’s way! No, faith is all about setting aside my own reasoning abilities and asking God, “What?” (without necessarily demanding, “Why?”) and then following through on what He tells me to do.

Of course, I didn’t truly get this concept until God illustrated it by showing me, literally, that it is possible to walk a straight line blind if you listen to God and put your foot down exactly as He tells you to with each step. Having seen it in literal action, I had no choice but to apply it spiritually, and I’ve found that as long as I can keep my rational mind silent and listen only to His direction–and then follow His direction–walking by faith is a whole lot easier than walking in my own understanding. I don’t have know what’s really going on, don’t have to see ahead and know what’s coming (Which is often a HUGE blessing!), and since I’m following His instructions, the burden is all on Him.

Of course, I am still working on that keeping my rational mind out of the way part. Like everyone else in the world, I’m a work in progress. This is why Proverbs 3:5-6 is still my personal “most important verse.”

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

Eating crow can be good for you. Right?

A friend recently pointed out that Amazon.com had the NIV Archeological Bible available for Kindle. Since this is a Bible I’ve been wanting, and I own a Kindle, I had to go look. They didn’t just have it. They have it on sale right now for $2.99. It’s part of The Big Deal, which is an ebook sale that goes through July 27th.

Yes, I did some shopping. I got 13 books, two of which were anthologies. The most expensive purchase was the $2.99 Bible (The leather copy I’ve been drooling over for months is more like $60) and several were actually free. If you own a Kindle, you may want to check it out. Correction: If you own a Kindle you DO want to check it out.

So here’s where eating crow comes in.

I LOVE MY KINDLE. I love my first-generation Kindle so much that I actually want to replace it with a new one.

I realized years ago that everything was going digital. I understood why it would happen and that it would happen, but I held to the conviction that Tammy would never go digital. (I…er…held the same opinion about “going Mac” and my Mac laptop is now a dear friend.) I knew beyond doubt that there would never come a day when I would prefer a digital reading device to a bound book.

Well….er….

Okay, so when I was in the mood to read last night, I definitely went to the bookshelf and pulled out a paperback from my small collection. Even so, I could just as easily have reached for my Kindle.

The Kindle was almost a necessity for an avid reader. Since we moved into the one-bedroom apartment (which I love, by the way), we have to think carefully about everything we bring into the house. My Kindle contains 83 files. That’s 83 books I don’t have to have on my shelf. The collection also contains several classics that I’m not sure I would ever actually pay money for, but when I found them available for free I downloaded them so that I could pull them out when I’m finally in the mood to explore them.

An ereader is GREAT if you know you’re going to be out for a while and will want to read something, but don’t know what you’ll want to read. I mean, you can’t exactly take a library of books with you to the doctor’s office or on an airplane…unless you own an ereader.

So yep, I’m eating crow. I will never stop loving my bound books, but I am totally embracing the ebook revolution.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I’ve about decided that life is one transition after another. My sister and I faced such a transition two months ago.

Mother started a battle against cancer about two years back. She fought and fought hard for most of the two years. Last June she was even feeling well enough that she, my sister, my nephew, and I took a long-desired trip back to Branson, Missouri. It was one of the things on her bucket list and we made sure she got it. We all had a great time even if her body did repeatedly remind us that the C word couldn’t be ignored.

But earlier this year the disease came back with a vengeance and by early May my sister and I knew it was time to stop fighting, that Mother had reached a place where… Well, as I said to someone at the time, as much as I wanted to hold on to my mommy I would be a hypocrite if I insisted she keep fighting. Her quality of life had gotten THAT bad. I didn’t even know how bad it was at first, because any time I went over she would seem perfectly normal. It was an effort to seem that way, though, and once I left the delusions and hallucinations would start again.

So come early May, she got worse and my sister had to call in hospice. Mother was in and out of reality, but did understand what was going on where hospice was concerned. “I guess I just have to accept it.” I think those were her words. By then even I was seeing the signs…

So then Daddy had surgery and Clarissa needed go where he lived to be with him. I stayed with Mother. Those were precious days filled with both laughter and tears as I dealt with a mother who one moment would be right there with me and the next would be seeing and hearing all sorts of things. At first, she was even mobile, able to walk to the restroom for instance, but there came a day when we almost didn’t make it back to the bed; she never left the bed after that.

She was seeing dead people off and on for days, sometimes just seeing them and other times talking to them. We’d experienced this with my grandmother and knew it was perfectly natural as she made the transition from this life into the next. The day she told me there was a crowd that her mother said was waiting for her, and she didn’t think she should keep them waiting too long, the hospice case worker was actually there and on the phone with my sister. “I think you need to come home now,” she said. From there on out, we didn’t leave much, not even to sleep until a few days later when we brought in the continuing care nurses at night. Sleep deprivation is a murderous thing and I thank God for those faithful nurses who relieve family members so they can get a few hours of sleep.

Mother eventually slipped into a coma. Then on Friday night, May 20th, they didn’t have a hospice nurse available to relieve us, so my sister and I sat down with our cold caffeine (I drank a LOT of sodas in those couple of weeks!) and spent almost the whole night talking. When the nurse showed up the next morning, I headed to my sister’s house (separate, but attached) and to bed right away; she wasn’t far behind me. It seemed only minutes (about an hour and a half in reality) when the nurse was banging on the door, calling for us to hurry back in because Mother was taking her last breaths. We ran, and we were there to see her take those final steps home. We were so glad the night nurse had been unavailable and we’d spent those last hours alone with her!

Within a matter of hours, the funeral home had come for her body and we started a 4-hour road trip back to her childhood home to deal with final arrangements…and to start another phase in our own lives.

If you’re still with me, I’m glad, because I want to share something I’ve learned since then.

When I lost my mother-in-law several years ago it devastated me. It was months before I was able to think straight. This was different. This was better, easier. It wasn’t better because I knew Mother was saved and headed to Heaven. Mama was saved and headed to heaven too. It was better because I was THERE.

I really think that is what made the difference. Mother wasn’t in a hospital where we only saw her every once in a while. She was in her own home and we were in her home with her. As she transitioned, we transitioned too. It was a… Well, it wasn’t an easy experience, by any stretch, but it was… I really don’t know how to explain it, but I want to encourage those who can to let their loved ones make this transition in their own homes with family around. And I strongly encourage to you be there, even though being there when they’re hallucinating and look horrible is extremely painful. I think, perhaps, the way we handle death in these modern times might be a bit of a mistake, separating us from what really is a natural process to the point of…demonizing it?

Maybe I’m not making sense. Maybe I’ll read this tomorrow and want to remove it. It’s certainly not up to my usual writing standards, but I’ve decided I’m not going to change a thing, because this is something I’ve been wanting to say for a while and if I don’t say it now I don’t know how much longer it might be.

For children of God, death really is nothing more than a turn in the path. One friend told me Mother’s really only just put in a change of address, and it won’t be all that long before I join her there. And she’s right.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

HAH!

A friend recently commented that my blog is as behind-the-times as hers. She’s not kidding. I mean to blog regularly; I honestly do. The problem is that I have the best of intentions today and when I look up again it’s a month from now.

They say that time flying is a sign that you’re getting older. I say it’s a sign of the end of time - meaning the end times. Events in the Middle East have me more convinced of that than ever, but that’s another post entirely.

So where are we? Well, we’re still happily living in a one-bedroom apartment that, just like baby bear’s chair, is just right. Oh, there are adjustments, but as long as we keep this management team I can’t see wanting to move. Now, getting a bigger bed… (Baby Bear’s bed is definitely not just right.)

I’m still on full-time staff at the greatest church in the world (maranathachurch.com) and LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. I’ve enjoyed most of the jobs I’ve worked, but there have been few that I could enthusiastically claim to love; this one tops them all. I feel like all of the other jobs and ministries I’ve had in the past 35 years were training grounds for this one.

Jack is getting better. He still has a ways to go, but he’s making progress, bless God!

And we have another cat. He was rescued by a dog, mostly dead, when he was a kitten and true love (Well, that of two animal lovers, at least) brought him back to life. They named him Lucky, because of the way he was saved, but we started calling him Little Bit because he was just a little bit of a thing, and that name stuck. He’s really good for Jack, who is the reason we got him - medical studies have shown repeatedly that pets help with high blood pressure and other issues, and Jack has some issues. Little Bit (Or Daytona, as Jack has begun calling this blur of gray that dashes around the apartment) is certainly helping.

And once again I am out of time. LOL!

That seems to be the story quite often of late.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

For years, my desire has been to grow spiritually, to do everything I can to prepare now for whatever job God has planned for me in eternity. I’ve studied on my own, prayed, and read the Word; I’ve faithfully served in the ministry areas He’s called me to; I’ve been a trustworthy tither and giver; and I’ve worked at growing and getting ready.

So God invited me to join a work-study program—He had Pastor offer me a job.

Only recently did I recognize it AS a work-study program, but it is. This job is more than my area of service; it is an intense training ground that provides a learning experience like no other. It is a position that stretches me, forces me to grow daily, and helps me develop the skills that enable one to work with groups of people to accomplish great things for the Kingdom.

The fact that I even have this job is also, as I realized recently, a sign that I’m making progress in my get-ready-for-eternity program. Seeing this sign makes me very happy.

It’s a new year, a new season, and now I have yet one more reason to love my job and face its unique challenges with great expectation and gratitude.

Celebrating Jesus!
Tammy C

I’ve been to many funerals this past year—too many. The two most recent were completely out of the blue. One young lady was killed in a wreck and a friend’s father had a completely unanticipated stroke. At the most recent funeral, the minister offered, “If he were here today, he would say…”

That started me thinking. What would I say to the people at my funeral? In the unlikely event that I was given warning, knew I was dying and could leave a message behind, what would it be? How would I comfort and encourage those I left behind?

I thought about it, and I asked myself, “Why wait?” So, if this were my funeral, here is what the minister would read.

Welcome to my graduation ceremony!

I know it’s more commonly called a funeral, but I’ve thought of them as graduation ceremonies since I attended Granny’s graduation decades ago. See, God has given me a revelation of this life being like school. As a child and youth, school is the world—the life—you know. You may love it, you may hate it, but you’re there and if you’re wise you spend your school years preparing for real life—the life that waits on the other side of graduation.

I’ve lived recent years with this thought firmly in mind. I’ve been like the student caught two years from graduation who suddenly realizes he’s frittered away his opportunities to learn and is nowhere near ready to live as an independent adult even though it’s what he wants desperately.

Like that student, I had an epiphany, a point at which I suddenly understood just how ill-prepared I was for life in Eternity, so I dove into God’s Word and I now spend much more time there, trying to make up for the years I wasted. You see, while people refer to the Bible as Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth, it is much more. These are the Words we will live by forever. This book is the key to getting to know the God we will live with forever – or not.

As much as it pains me to even think about it, I know that some of you probably aren’t ready. You’ve never accepted the salvation Jesus paid for, or you’ve walked away from it. If you were to die today, you would still graduate, but instead of graduating into life with God, you would graduate into life without Him. And if you think this life is Hell… At least here you have some sense of God, whether you know what you’re feeling or not. In hell, you will have no connection to Him at all. You will have absolutely no hope forever. Please, I beg you, don’t go there!

But as for me, I’m fine. I’m better than fine. I’ve lived most of my life in a genuine relationship with God, hearing His voice and knowing that He hears mine. We have, in a sense, had a long-distance relationship that has now become a face-to-face relationship. I am, at last, in that place I’ve been so homesick for, surrounded by family and friends I’ve missed, and with Him. I could not be happier. Well…unless I knew that each one of you would be joining me here.

Miss me. Mourn me as you need to. Cry if you must. I’ve done it all—many times for many people. But know that for me it is all good.

There. I didn’t have to wait until my funeral to say it and you didn’t have to wait until my funeral to hear.

Celebrating Jesus every day forever!
Tammy C